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Coaches Never Ask Why

(But it’s a really important question to ask yourself)

Throughout my two years + of study to become a qualified life coach, it was continually reinforced to NEVER ask a client why they felt, thought or behaved in a certain way.

It makes people defensive and they feel they need to justify themselves. They get lost in their reasons for doing (or not doing) something and it has a judgemental tone that can get people offside and destroys rapport.


When it comes to setting goals and finding ways to motivate yourself to keep moving forward when things get tough, asking yourself why you want to achieve that goal is invaluable.

Let me give you an example.

I want to learn to play the guitar. I have one, I did guitar for a few years in college, I’ve had some private lessons as an adult but I just don’t practice as much as I need to to get really good at it.

So WHY do I want to learn guitar?

· I’ve always loved music

· I think people who play guitar are so talented

· It’s kinda sexy

· It would really impress my Dad (#canofworms)

I don’t practice so that tells me that none of the reasons for learning are powerful enough to motivate me. On top of that it’s really painful on my fingertips after only a few minutes of playing. Screw that, I’m out.

Lots of us find ourselves in this situation; thinking we want something when we really don’t, don’t want it bad enough or want it for the wrong reasons.

You know what they say? Where there’s a will there’s a way.

During a coaching session I won’t ask you why, but I will ask you what the achievement of your goal will give you.

So what are your goals and what is the purpose of achieving them?

What will it bring you?

What is your WHY?


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