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I Didn't Sign Up For This

This isn’t what I signed up for!!

For whatever reason you decided to be a Mum. For me it was never not an option. It was something I always wanted to be. I loved babies. Every opportunity I got I cuddled babies.

I was so clucky I asked for a Cabbage Patch Kid for Christmas. WHEN I WAS 18!!!

When you dream of being a mum you leave out (or aren’t aware) of the screaming, shitting, spewing, exhaustion, sleepless nights, terror, judgement and guilt that comes with motherhood.

I also didn’t plan on losing my identity and becoming the parasitic host for another human being. At least not for as long as I did. But that’s what happened and I’m not alone. So many women I’ve talked to have expressed the same feelings.

Somehow you become less important than your kids and in my case my husband as well. I got the “you’re devoting all your time to the kids, what about me?” from him and I saw him as just one more child to look after.

We are convinced by our families, friends and society that parenting is like that. All encompassing. You wanted kids? Well this is what’s it’s like – suck it up.

But I didn’t sign up for this and it was really hard convincing myself and my family that I was more than the facilitator of their lives.

I’m still really clucky and thrilled when I hear that someone is pregnant or just had a baby but my message is very different.

Take care of YOU. Don’t lose yourself.


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