I think I’m in labour, metaphorically speaking. And I’m not giving birth to something, rather I’m being born into a new version of myself.
I’m not in a good place. There’s lots of pain and fear and heart break and I feel lost and empty. Things are ending and I’m terrified of letting them go even though they’ve caused me pain for so long. That pain was familiar, tolerable, and the fear of the unknown was more than I could bear.
“They” say that one door needs to close so another can open. You need to release something to make room for something new. I thought I could manipulate the system; keep both doors open so I could have an escape route if things turned to custard. But that’s not how the Universe works, not for me anyway.
For so long I’ve been stuck in the birth canal of the Universe. Firmly lodged in the breach position, not wanting to leave my familiar womb, despite the obvious signs that I no longer belonged there.
I’ve finally reached a point where the familiar pain is worse than the fear of the unknown. It’s time to let go. It’s time to trust that something better is in store for me if I place my faith in the Universe.
Now that I have released my grip on the past my hands are open to receive the gifts of the future.
I also know that when I emerge, when I’m delivered into this new version of myself that there will be a multitude of hands ready to catch and cradle me. I have a tribe, a village, a crèche full of women who love and support me.
These women have held space for me and been patient while I endure what I had to endure and learnt what I had to learn.
This transition is mine, it’s necessary but I’m not alone. For that I am deeply grateful.