On my morning walk today, I found myself having a conversation with one of my ex-boyfriends. I’d conjured up this scenario where we had run into one another and were catching up.
This isn’t the first time this has happened and the routine played out as usual. I was looking gorgeous and he was asking me how I was, did I have kids, was I married, what I was doing with my life. I knew the purpose of these questions were to assure himself that I was OK after he dumped me and to make himself feel better. I brought this to his attention and asked him the real purpose of his query.
It was at this point that my conscious mind woke the fuck up asked, “What is the purpose of this imagined conversation?”
Huh!? Well ummm….it’s to make me feel better about being dumped by a guy I really had a thing for.
Well! Shit! Now I realise my ego is ruling the roost and I’m still harbouring resentment towards ex-boyfriends from sooo long ago. How does this serve me in the present and how much does it contaminate my current relationship with my hubby?
When I got home from my walk I spent time in meditation and visualised cords flowing from my heart space and attached to my past boyfriends. There weren’t that many, boyfriends that is, but the cords were thick and strong for some and not so for others. Nevertheless they were all there anchoring me to past emotions.
In my mind’s eye I took a pair of scissors and cut away those attachments. It wasn’t that easy, some kept growing back but I persisted. I also told each of those ex’s that I forgave them and wished them happiness.
I feel as though I’ll need to repeat this practice a few more times before I have released myself but it certainly was a REAL revelation.